#25

i know it's spring because i have been wearing bare feet again.

it has to be warm to take off my ugg boots at home and i realise that

for at least a week i have been forgetting to put them on.

it is so nice to feel the ground beneath me. when i walk outside and

feel the temperature of the ground. feel the fallen leaves under me as

i hang out the washing. feel how the house warms up during the day

and then cools down again at night.

it puts me one step closer to being in tune with the daily cycle of light

and dark

it really does make you come alive. i cannot imagine wearing closed

in shoes all day everyday. they make the little ones at school wear them

even in summer, but i think it should be a fundamental right to make

your own choice of foot coverings.

one of the biggest problems for us urban dwellers ( and we make up a

massive part of the population these days) is a disconnection or

separation feeling. i would go so far as to think that its at the core of

most depression. the feelings of isolation, difference and lack of

belonging are common modern maladies, even though we live in such

close quarters with each other.

being grounded is a great treat i allow myself to experience as part of my

daily self care. i feel the earth beneath me, i feel for the energy of the

place i am standing or sitting on. its a very easy practice to do once you become

quiet and still. i do it in different locations and they all have their own feel.

what i do is take my seat wherever i am.

and just listen to the sounds around me and feel myself sitting.

from there i then use my body to feel the earth underneath me.

i feel the solidity of the ground and the way it supports me.

i let myself rest knowing i am being held.

and then i feel the energy around me.

try it at the beach, in a forest, under your favourite tree, in the lounge

on a chair, beside your bed, on a train, wherever really because the

energy will still be all around and present.

then you can find your power spot. the place that makes you feel alive

and calm and clear. and when you need to get clear you can take yourself

to that place to recharge and renew yourself.

#18

today in my part of australia, we have to put our clocks forward

one hour - they call it 'daylight saving'.

i used to think it was great and all the other states that didn't
adopt it very peculiar. it seemed a cool idea to have another
hour or so to play after school or work outside until it got dark.

but now i think it's just man meddling with nature, again. can't
we just accept each day as it comes - the sun rising earlier and
earlier throught the spring and summer and the days getting
naturally longer anyways.

i've been loving waking earlier and earlier with the sun. i have
been able to do my own thing in the morning before the kids
get up and the noise of the day starts. th quiet and space is perfect
for my morning meditation. i have no need to set an alarm to fit it
in to my day.

i wonder what the consequences are on our bodies? i am going to
allow myself to go to bed when i am ready regardless of the time
and wake with the sun and see how it goes. wiht the luxury of
school hoildays on my side, none of us have to be anywhere at
any particular time so it will be an interesting experiment to see
if i can come round to the new clock without any effort or price to
pay.

#17

i've missed a few days and broken the rules, but unlike my past,

i'm not going to let that be the reason for giving up completely

on this blog.

i have let go of so many well started projects, classes, courses,

business ideas, fitness programs, etc before this that even i am

bored by a similar response from myself.

why i do it is a curiosity to me. is it self-sabotage? is it pure and

utter laziness? is it due to perfectionism? is it another thing for

me to pull apart and analyse to within an inch of its life thereby

making it a distraction?

i really could go on and on about why i do it, but i am tired

of hearing it. so as i sit and write this post, i am doing it in the

hope of breaking the pattern that has bound me. i am releasing

the need to beat myself up for failing to post and seeing each day

as a new time to recommit.

because (sorry about the bad grammar, but i will not apologise

for the use of lower case everywhere because that is intentional)

it does not matter.

the only thing that seems to matter at all right now to me is

relationship. how well i can be in relationship to those around me

to be precise. being present to whatever is happening and without

agenda or distraction being truly with whoever i am with.

sometimes its easy, sometimes not at all.

whenever i am tired, i know i suck at it. so it is imperative on me to

not be tired or find strategies to handle that so it is no excuse. daily

meditation is where i find my strength. it really is my saviour and i

pay much gratitude to myself for maintaining this practise.

the days since my friend's funeral have me feeling tired and

introspective. i can feel the loss of this person from the world acutely

and can feel the ripples of loss in all the people in his circle. the world

seems a more mutated shade now.

grief is a strange and unwelcome beast even when i understand that

all things are momentary and that grief or love or joy is not even a solid

reality we can hold onto. and so i am doing what the buddhists have

talked about for thousands of years - sitting with my grief and feeling it.

becoming friendly with it. allowing it to be here just as much as i would

with more positive emotions. that way i can experience it without it

becoming suppressed by distractions, only to reappear at some

unannounced time in the future.

my grief right now is my practise. and what i have discovered so far is

that it is very a slow very heavy feeling and it sits in different parts of

my body. it is not located in only one place. there is also another feeling

of numbness. or even the feeling of nothing - like a big space or hole.

and it makes me feel tired. tiredness is the most obvious feature i have

noticed.

and the overriding thought that i repeat is wanting or desiring a different

outcome to what has occurred. i am wishing for a reversal of events. so

it's becoming clear my suffering, my grief is primarily due to non acceptance.

not accepting that my friend has passed.

what good is it to me to think these thoughts?

and if i don't think them will my grief pass?

hmmmmm.