# 51

pretty 'n pink

# 50

quickly demolished

# 49

beautiful jervis bay, 2005

There is a pleasure in the pathless woods;

There is a rapture on the lonely shore;
There is a society, where none intrudes,
By the deep sea, and the music in its roar:
I love not man the less, but nature more....
- Lord Byron -

 

# 48

It's day 2 back in Germany.
It doesn't feel like home yet.
How can it? I just left home. Left Sydney. Left behind most of the people I love in this world.
The biggest effect jetlag has on me is melancholy and apathy.
I know I will see things differently in a few days.
And I know the greyness of winter will soon pass too.

view from train in hamburg

#47

Heading Home

Tonight will be my last sleep in Germany in 2011. Excitement is starting to build. By the time I arrive home on Saturday, it will have been 519 days since leaving Aussie soil. Can you imagine that??? I seriously hope I don't hug my family to death.

I'm grateful for the 2 days of snow we just had here, but I'm more looking forward to a gorgeous hot sunny summer. I've heard it may be rather different, but I don't believe it.

I better go do some more packing. I'm not sure why but I just cannot seem to be able to focus and get it finished.

See you from the other side of the planet.....

#46

The days since my last post have been full on.

28.11.11
Talking with Mum as I usually do after the weekend, sitting and enjoying a cup of tea in the morning, we were close to wrapping up the call, when she slowed down and got quite disinterested in what I was saying.Then I noticed she was slurring.I asked her what's wrong? Her tongue was numb. I asked her to do the 3 tests for checking whether someone is having a stroke or not. She could do all of them but was still slurring. I decided to call my sister, so she could guage anything more and probably see with her own eyes. Well, to cut a long story short-Miche sat with Mum in hospital until 5am,waiting on more news.....the Doctors believed she's had a small series of TIA or minor strokes.
SHOCK no. 1!
Jürgen called me in the afternoon to tell me his Dad even though still in a critical condition,but rallying somewhat.Less than 3 hours later he called me to tell he had died. My father-in-law's long hard struggle was over.He is finally at peace.
SHOCK no. 2!
Being so far from home and my Mum had me in a constant state of worry. Being so far from Jürgen had me feeling helpless and hopeless.Knowing his new partner was comforting him wasn't really that comforting for me.

Friday my Mum was released from hospital and sounded happy.
Saturday morning we woke at 5.00am,and we were in the van by 6 making our way in the cold and dark to Magdeburg-350km's away, to pick up the final boxes and furniture and pieces of my life with Jürgen. It was sad.Jürgen was sad about his Dad and about us.Looking into each others eyes and feeling our love and understanding everything about the other with just one look and no words is beautiful and moving, but incredibly sad. We were both overwhelmed.We were able to have some laughs together too and it felt good to be together again.Then an sms arrived.I was too busy packing small things to read it. Just as we were taking off,to have a coffee in his new place with his new partner and my new partner, I read an sms from Mum - she was back in hospital - she had had another TIA.Great! I rang Miche and heard that she was ok, it was like last time,and not to worry but I could hear so much worry in Miche's voice.
SHOCK no. 3!

I had had no intention of meeting Jürgen's new partner that day, nor wished to see their new abode, nor wished to play happy families and make chitchat over coffee, but I agreed so as to make Jürgen's life less stressful. So there we were, the 4 of us. Feiging interest, I oohhed and aahhed about how lovely their new Terrasse is, and how interesting the layout of the apartment is and how delicious her honey bread tasted - the whole thing pissed me right off! Seeing his new life, and watching her over the top performance of how in love she is with Jürgen, and centre of attention grabbing ways as she always turned any conversation back to herself was nauseating and hard to take.
SHOCK no. 4!

We stayed a tad longer than we had planned and then we had huge traffic jams and so we had big stress and our end of unloading all my stuff - all so heavy too - and getting the hired van back by 6pm. We made it by 2 minutes! I was totally kaputt. I felt so exhausted and drained. And I know most of it was emotional stuff.

2 days later I was up at 5.30am to make the 7am train to Fallingbostel and Fritz's funeral. Jürgen's family was as always loving towards me. They still see me as family and the daughter-in-law - which I still technically am. We spent 5 hours together before the funeral began, and 4 of those hours I endured again, a performance by the new woman of ridiculous proportions. She must feel so insecure that she constantly needs to touch, kiss, hug, air kiss, fondle, watch Jürgen the entire time. At the wake it continued again. The ceremony for Fritz was lovely and light. I feel he is totally at peace. And it felt good to have said our last goodbyes and honour him. I had very little time with Jürgen alone and that felt totally crappy. By the time I left at 6pm I felt emotionally exhausted once again. It had been a long day.

The day ended much nicer than I expected. Olaf had picked me up from the station. He had waited to have dinner with me even as late as it was and had prepared and cooked a delicious meal for us. It started snowing. And Mum told me she would be leaving hospital the next day.

Today, in 1 week we'll be getting on the plane and heading home after 17 long months away. How awesome!

#45

When Christianity first started its growth, officials knew that in order to allow followers to continue to celebrate with the rest of the community, or probably more accurately, for it to have a better uptake, it was essential to choose dates similar to those already being celebrated by Pagans. The synchronicity of the dates can't be missed at all, Winter Solstice and the birth of Jesus, Spring Equinox and Easter.
I haven't realised so clearly until now that the modern Christian world has taken age old Wiccan and Pagan celebrations as it's own without paying respect at all to those traditions.

(Miche you may want to add more here because it's so much better from the horse's mouth!)

----------------------------------------------------------------

I've just been reading a fascintating book called "The Secrets of the Christian Festivals" and this is what Arnold Bittlinger says about the 1st Advent:

Advent Sunday - Day of the Earth

The first Sunday in Advent is the Day of the Earth. On the first Advent we light one candle. This one candle is the symbol for Oneness or Unity of all of Creation. It speaks to and of a world where we all originate from and will return to. The Earth is our Mother.

One of the oldest symbols that respresents The Earth is the Bull. In the German language, the word Stier (Bull) reminds us of the words Starr (rigid) and Stur (obstinate). The Bull character represents the unyielding stubborn unwavering Earth. The Bull reveals the perservering and dependable character of the Earth.

Fascinating stuff!!!!!!!

                   -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Advent is huge here. Everyone, and I mean all households (except ours), woke up Saturday morning and decorated their windows, front doors and trees in the garden with all things christmassy. The nativity sets are out. And the town councils put up fairy lights in the main streets and shops have all their decorations out for sale. Christmas markets are on every weekend with Glühwein and kitsch in abundance. It's slightly over the top. I mean, it's November! But because they take Advent seriously, that's why Christmas begins now. I am kind of glad to get to experience a couple of weeks of this and hopefully it will snow 1 or 2 days before getting on the plane home. Less than 3 weeks to go!

#43

you have probably worked out that i am a big and i mean BIG procrastinator,

which leads to a lot of paralysis and not much to show for.

it saddens me i have this in spades and i know it frustrates the hell out of my

husband who wants me to be doing a whole lot more than i am.

i have ideas. lots of them. most i don't even write down. which i have no real reason why

i don't. i think i gave up long ago when i realised that i rarely followed through on things

i was days before very excited about.

so this week i started to learn how to crochet. a friend who lives nearby is a bit of an expert

on these things and i had mentioned i wanted to make a blanket for my kids?!? so she has

been making space to teach me for the last few weeks and i finally ran out of distractions that

had me not showing up for my lessons.

i am not that crafty a type and anyone who knows me could attest. and i know we were

only doing crochet 101 - the easy beginner steps - but i actually could do what i was shown.

the stitches and casting on pattern that i learnt is all leading to creating a beanie, which

i love to wear, but not where my passion lies, but even still it felt really good to be making

something with my hands. i'm kinda sad in a way that whatever i am making as a practise right

now is really not leading to and end product, although both my girls are bagging it as beanie for

their favourite toy!

i just watched a short inspiring tedtalk with the theme about just making stuff, whatever it is

just make - given by the creator of threadless - that great online t-shirt&hoodie company that

we love in our house. so i am feeling like i am sort of getting on track here, getting messages

supporting what i am doing and even though i can't imagine crochet as my way to save the world

or be my income path, who knows, sillier things have happened.

maybe it will just get me back into creating, and then i can try and weave or crochet that into my

other passions like herbs, healing and consciousness raising.

have a look here for some inspiration

#44

It's so Wuthering Heights up here. Last week heavy fog hung around all day long. It was hard to tell what time of day it was because it just looked the same ALL day. But when the fog finally lifts, scenes like this just take my breath away.

Peat bogs form in wetlands and moors. It is still an important fuel source in some parts of the world and avid gardeners use it without much thought to where it came from. It has the same energy capacity as burning brown coal. Peat grows at a rate of 1mm a year. The area where I am living has 8000 year old peat beds. Peat bogs are seen by some scientists to be as important and fragile as rainforests. Here in Germany they also rape (harvest/mine) the moors. And what they are doing here is just the tip of the iceberg. This absolute destruction is going on all over the world wherever peat exists. Delicate moorland ecosystems are completely depleted and ruined from the drainage and drying out and mining of huge areas of land for agricultural, forestry and housing purposes. This not only destroys the habitat of many species, but heavily fuels climate change. As a result of peat drainage, the organic carbon that was built up over thousands of years and is normally under water, is suddenly exposed to the air. It decomposes and turns into carbon dioxide (CO₂), which is released into the atmosphere. It takes centuries for a peat bog to regenerate. Recent studies indicate that the world's largest peat bog, located in Western Siberia and the size of France and Germany combined, is thawing for the first time in 11,000 years. As the permafrost melts, it could release billions of tons of methane gas into the atmosphere. Indonesia, China, Malaysia and Papua New Guinea are currently creating the biggest problems in terms of peat fires.

------------------

I found myself speechless standing beside this open cut peat bog, and looking at the destruction of this ancient land. Here is a piece we picked up. At 1mm a year I guess that piece is about 200 years old.

#42

so you know it's summery weather right?

and the temperature is fairly warm these days

around 30c this weekend.

so you could imagine how the beach would be

looking right?

wrong!

there's a fog spirit lurking around our parts this

weekend. the headlands are shrouded. the bay is much

smaller this way. the colours are all muted and the

crowds are staying away. yay.

here's a little snapshot of bondi this week via

aquabumps

#43

fall at my feet

this year i have noticed more than before how abundant the landscape here is in autumn.
mother nature ever providing.
i wish i understood mushrooms more. there are just so many types out there that resemble each other, and even whilst using the huge database of pictures on the net to discern whether or not i have picked a delicious edible or the most poisonous schroom on earth, its almost impossible to make a concrete decision.
the temperature has really dropped & i am starting now to struggle with dressing in more layers and wanting to leave the house. this week i have ridden 40kms, and i am not sure if i'll be adding any more to the total.

#42

on my travels today

stopped many times to snap all these little beauties while riding today.
i was stunned by all the colour hanging around even in freezing fog at 2 degrees. how do these little delicate things stand this weather???

skyping with bikini clad family and hearing about how happy they are that the southerly has just arrived while i being mesmerised by the frost and thick fog hampering my ability to see more than 30 metres in front of me, was to put it mildly,

totally like living in a parallel universe.

#41

what i love most about living near the beach is

being able to head down at any time of the day

or night.

it is always a different place. the tide changes the

way the water moves and the way the sand forms.

sometimes if i am lucky there are shells,

or sand sculptures or beautiful cloud

formations and the colour of the sea

is always a surprise to me.

no two waves are ever the same. just like no two

moments are the same. the beach always reminds

me that things never stay the same.

earlier i arrived in the heat of the day and the tide

was high, the water icy but delicious.

after dinner we headed down to cool off. the tide

was low, small waves had arrived to thrill and delight.

the girls out on their boards that they have rediscovered

and the best light show i have seen in a long time all

happening.

and always familiar faces to connect with. unplanned

meetings with friends and acquaintances. i like those

the best somehow, spontaneous conversation and sharing

without any expectation or finesse. authenticity and

synchronicity at play.

i am so grateful for living in this place, it nourishes

and relaxes and feeds my spirit. always better for having

had my feet in the sand. always.

#41

at my place

living in a small apartment hasn't stopped me from collecting a few things here and there. mostly they are transitory and seasonal and things that won't last forever.

these beautiful flowers are clover and in a last mad rush of colour before the real cold arrived last week they were still blooming here and there on the roadside. i couldn't resist picking them.
i have been living with most of my things in boxes and out of suitcases for the last 3 years. and in this time i have come to realise how few things one really needs. i have accumlated so many things over the years that i don't now even look at or use. so whilst living here, i am making sure i keep things very simple and minimal hardly add anything to my stash of things.
life feels lighter this way.

#40

on friday 11/11/11 a bunch of sydney meditator's met in

the botanical garden's for a flashmob of different kind.

so on this auspicious numerical day and on the anniversary

marking the end of world war 1, where we stop for a minute's

silence to remember all those men who died (unnecessarily)

we gathered to add our collective consciousness to the mix.

there were probably only 50-60 of us and there was construction

work noise of the opera house a constant reminder of the

goings on around us.

as a flashmob that stopped people in their tracks i am not

quite so sure we pulled that off, but it was a beautiful experience

sitting under a 150 year old moreton bay fig with my youngest by

my side, enjoying that moment in time

#40

happy full moon

outskirts of  hamburg 2009

Go further than you planned. Ask for the moon:
     you will be surprised how often you get it
- Paulo Coehlo

#39

the world is sound........
- joachim berendt

Check out this beautiful video of performance artist Christine Sun Kim by The Selby.
There is more of an interview with her here.

She has has opened my ears, eyes and heart. I think her art is amazing.

#38

you're not the boss of me

from 10 cent designer

#39

nothing created by me for another day, but

this video got me laughing....

#37

m u r m u r a t i o n

Murmuration from Sophie Windsor Clive on Vimeo.

this makes my heart sing....and i just love that word so i'll say it again - M U R M U R A T I O N