The days since my last post have been full on.
28.11.11
Talking with Mum as I usually do after the weekend, sitting and enjoying a cup of tea in the morning, we were close to wrapping up the call, when she slowed down and got quite disinterested in what I was saying.Then I noticed she was slurring.I asked her what's wrong? Her tongue was numb. I asked her to do the 3 tests for checking whether someone is having a stroke or not. She could do all of them but was still slurring. I decided to call my sister, so she could guage anything more and probably see with her own eyes. Well, to cut a long story short-Miche sat with Mum in hospital until 5am,waiting on more news.....the Doctors believed she's had a small series of TIA or minor strokes.
SHOCK no. 1!
Jürgen called me in the afternoon to tell me his Dad even though still in a critical condition,but rallying somewhat.Less than 3 hours later he called me to tell he had died. My father-in-law's long hard struggle was over.He is finally at peace.
SHOCK no. 2!
Being so far from home and my Mum had me in a constant state of worry. Being so far from Jürgen had me feeling helpless and hopeless.Knowing his new partner was comforting him wasn't really that comforting for me.
Friday my Mum was released from hospital and sounded happy.
Saturday morning we woke at 5.00am,and we were in the van by 6 making our way in the cold and dark to Magdeburg-350km's away, to pick up the final boxes and furniture and pieces of my life with Jürgen. It was sad.Jürgen was sad about his Dad and about us.Looking into each others eyes and feeling our love and understanding everything about the other with just one look and no words is beautiful and moving, but incredibly sad. We were both overwhelmed.We were able to have some laughs together too and it felt good to be together again.Then an sms arrived.I was too busy packing small things to read it. Just as we were taking off,to have a coffee in his new place with his new partner and my new partner, I read an sms from Mum - she was back in hospital - she had had another TIA.Great! I rang Miche and heard that she was ok, it was like last time,and not to worry but I could hear so much worry in Miche's voice.
SHOCK no. 3!
I had had no intention of meeting Jürgen's new partner that day, nor wished to see their new abode, nor wished to play happy families and make chitchat over coffee, but I agreed so as to make Jürgen's life less stressful. So there we were, the 4 of us. Feiging interest, I oohhed and aahhed about how lovely their new Terrasse is, and how interesting the layout of the apartment is and how delicious her honey bread tasted - the whole thing pissed me right off! Seeing his new life, and watching her over the top performance of how in love she is with Jürgen, and centre of attention grabbing ways as she always turned any conversation back to herself was nauseating and hard to take.
SHOCK no. 4!
We stayed a tad longer than we had planned and then we had huge traffic jams and so we had big stress and our end of unloading all my stuff - all so heavy too - and getting the hired van back by 6pm. We made it by 2 minutes! I was totally kaputt. I felt so exhausted and drained. And I know most of it was emotional stuff.
2 days later I was up at 5.30am to make the 7am train to Fallingbostel and Fritz's funeral. Jürgen's family was as always loving towards me. They still see me as family and the daughter-in-law - which I still technically am. We spent 5 hours together before the funeral began, and 4 of those hours I endured again, a performance by the new woman of ridiculous proportions. She must feel so insecure that she constantly needs to touch, kiss, hug, air kiss, fondle, watch Jürgen the entire time. At the wake it continued again. The ceremony for Fritz was lovely and light. I feel he is totally at peace. And it felt good to have said our last goodbyes and honour him. I had very little time with Jürgen alone and that felt totally crappy. By the time I left at 6pm I felt emotionally exhausted once again. It had been a long day.
The day ended much nicer than I expected. Olaf had picked me up from the station. He had waited to have dinner with me even as late as it was and had prepared and cooked a delicious meal for us. It started snowing. And Mum told me she would be leaving hospital the next day.
Today, in 1 week we'll be getting on the plane and heading home after 17 long months away. How awesome!
